Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Et (Peter) Cetera

God, this is embarrassing to admit.

I hereby retract all vitriol I've directed at Peter Cetera over the last 15 years.

There. I said it. Not an easy thing to admit. Once he got away from Chicago, it was one war crime after another, often on the soundtrack to an equally painful and degrading movie. But "If You Leave Me Now" is a top drawer song. It's no "Yah Mo B There," but it's still pretty good. It was released in 1976, but it presaged--for better or for worse--everything that would come to define the gooey ballads of the 1980s.

I realized this while I was having an awful meal at an awful café. The wine was too cold, the coffee was too hot, the steak came with a half melted pat of butter on it (not exactly the "sauce" that the menu advertised), and to top it all off, the music was aw-ful aw-ful aw-ful. The closest I ever get to finding religion is when I picture myself at the gates of Hell, Cerberos relieving himself on my shoe and Hades handing me an iPod. The radio station that was on at this café had the same playlist as my iPod of Eternal Damnation. The worst of late '90s Elton John imaginable, and all its kith and kin.

Then I heard it. That hook. "Ooo-oo, no, baby please don't goooo," dummm dummm dumdumdumdumdum... Something was missing, though. It was a cover! Apparently, Chicago's "If You Leave Me Now" wasn't sappy enough for this station, so they had to play some terrible cover version.

I'll tell you what. As many times as I had considered poisoning Peter Cetera, I realized at this moment that it's his voice that makes that song work. The chorus always comes out of nowhere, and only Cetera's paper thin voice could make it convincing. These hacks were making me want to go find this Cetera wannabe, seduce him, then leave him, just so I could walk out on him as he butchered the line again: "ooo-oo no, baby please don't go."

So that's how I learned to love Peter Cetera. By hearing a damnable cover of what I used to think was a damnable song, and realizing that only He could redeem it.

Damn.

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